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Still Bogged Down in the
Thick of Thin Things - Part 4 

Hi Dr. Matt,

I am 42 years of age and single. This question is about my Mom who is 72 years old.
 
WHAT WOULD YOU TELL MARY TO GIVE HER CLOSURE ON THIS UPDATE:

Mary: "Mom you always thought I was thin"
Mom: "Yes"
Mary: "What about the time we had a fight in the car and you said I get mad if people call me fat?"
Mom: "Who would ever call you fat. I only said that because I was mad"
 
STORY TO REFRESH MEMORY:

OK yesterday Mary’s mom (in her 70 ’s) and Mary (in her 40’s) went to see “Mama Mia” which was wonderful.  Anyway, as the movie started all of a sudden Mary got very hot and extremely dizzy. (A few years ago Mary got dizzy and she made the mistake of going to a few doctors, each one misdiagnosed why she was dizzy and with the medication each doctor gave Mary, Mary kept getting worse until she went to one doctor who cured her).
 
Mom: “What is wrong”
Mary: “I feel dizzy”

The dizziness stopped but Mary was nervous a throughout the movie. When the movie ended:
 
Mom: “Just wait until we get into the car I want to talk to you”
Mary: “Well if we are going to have a fight I don’t want to hear it”
Mom: “Then take the bus”

But Mary got into the car

Mom: “You have to stop drinking coffee”
Mary: “I know, I am going to stop”

Mary thought that would be the end of the conversation - wrong!

Mom: “I know you drink coffee for weight loss. You don’t need to lose any more weight”
Mary: “But I was always skinny”
Mom: “Yes but now you are even skinnier”
 
This got Mary mad and they had some fight.  When they came home her Mom said nasty things to Mary and Mary said nasty things back to her Mom. 

Mom: “You need to gain weight”
Mary: “No I don’t”
Mom: “It isn’t just the coffee but the way you eat”
Mary: “I like salads“
Mom: “But when you order a salad they give you mostly lettuce and six strips of chicken you always waste more than two of the chicken strips.”
 
When Doreen went on the computer she found out the reason she was getting dizzy and it was because of the herb she is taking but Doreen cannot tell her mom that because her mom is very opinionated. 
 
THEN TODAY:

Mary: “Mom do you want to know why I got mad yesterday it is because you made it sound like I wasn’t always thin.”
Mom: “That is how you hear it”
Then about five minutes later they had a terrible fight because her mom started to rant and rave.
Mary: “All I wanted was for you to answer that one question”
Mom: “OK, yes you were fat before, how’s that?”

Mom said in a tone to get Mary mad and upset.

My new question: (1) If you were Mary would you say that yes, Her Mom always thought Mary was thin and (2) Mom just said that remark about people calling me fat because she was mad, and (3) How would you interpret both conversations and (4) Would do you think Mary misinterpreted the word “any more“?  (5) Would you think “any more” means that Mary’s mom did not think she was thin in the past.
Please GIVE DETAILS

** Read Mary's Previous Emails about Thin Things:    #1     #2     #3    #4

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Important Elements of Attraction and Compatibility

Dear Mary:

It was 5 months ago when you last wrote to me, and you also wrote me 2 years previous to that. If you look at the history of questions you have brought up over a 2-1/2 year span, . . . you will notice that the same kind of issues arise over and over: You are absolutely stuck, entangled, and trapped in the THICK of THIN THINGS!

Answering your most recent questions would be like climbing a ladder that leans against a wrong wall. You may ascend higher and higher . . . but the eventual destination is leading you in the wrong direction!

If I answered your questions, this might give you the impression that the issues you raise have any importance—they do not! So, just as I did 2-1/2 years ago, I'm going to disappear your questions, and invite you to take up a better question that will lead you to rich and joyful living.

What is that better question? In a previous email, I suggested that your questions and issues are focused upon FACTS as opposed to TRUTH. For the most part, Facts will lead you to wrong destinations, but if you take up issues and questions concerned with TRUTH, . . . this will lead you to your BEST Life!

There is much to say and much to learn about TRUTH versus FACTS. The book I've written is 300 pages long. If you were to study the ideas in my book diligently for a few years, you would begin to understand the meaning of TRUTH and how that meaning leads to rich living.

You will NOT learn about the infinitely expansive topic of TRUTH by reading a the few paragraphs contained in this email. The learning of which I speak requires daily discernment between ever expanding IDEAS about TRUTH, and your ever expanding EXPERIENCE with TRUTH—taking care to observe the correlation between these two.

In this way, LIFE becomes your Test and your Teacher--and most importantly, the Creator of LIFE will become the primary Source from which you learn about TRUTH and LIFE. Here's an excerpt from my book that can be a good beginning point . . . as you move forward:

A Simple Solution: Un-Doing. You've heard the phrase "this will be their undoing." Typically, an undoing is a bad thing: unraveling, falling apart, or breaking up—all these are bad. But consider a type of undoing that is good. The truth is that recovering your early innocence is actually more a matter of undoing, than of doing. In the process of Changing Your Stripes, you don't do it: You Un-Do It!

Solutions could be pursued with the complexity of what we “think” we need to accomplish: Investing mental energies into a myriad of things to “do.” But this is to begin wrong and enter into the issue incorrectly! Instead, our focus need only be on the things that need Un-Doing. One step at a time, line upon line, we simply need to Un-Do the NEXT thing.

* * * * *
Letting the Real Me Emerge is not something
I "make" happen, but something I "let" happen,
Recovery flows as I Un-Do darkness and deception.
The Whisperings of Light will lead the way.
I must yield my will . . . to the Light.
  * * * * * 

The process of Changing Your Stripes is very simple: You need only focus on Un-Doing ONE thing at a time, the NEXT thing, and as you deal-with and Un-Do each NEXT thing—one simple step at a time—then another NEXT thing appears. Line upon line, . . . you begin to climb the mountain of clarity and integrity. The clear curriculum of your personal series of NEXT things to deal-with and Un-Do is written in your Heart. Living life from the heart is simple, yet completely inclusive of Life’s central purpose. An Old Testament proverb invites: "Keep thy Heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life."

Because you are fundamentally good by nature, you don't really need to try to be good, or learn to be good; instead, your task is simply to recapture the goodness that is IN YOU. At birth you began as a being of love: You were naturally generous and sharing, naturally bright and cheerful. But as you matured in worldly ways, through bad examples and unloving influences, you learned to NOT be who you are naturally. You learned to be different from who you would be if only you had not strayed from your spontaneous spark of goodness.

When we fail to follow the intuitions of innocence that flow freely from the Heart, we betray the truth within us—we go against ourselves! Each self-betrayal creates an obstruction to the flow of life-giving goodness that wells within. As we betray our own intuitions, the natural flow of loving tendencies is blocked, and as that stream is stifled, we begin to behave badly. Unblocking that flow IS the focus of Un-Doing.

The Do will Flow from You. The most essential quest in life is to let yourself be who you are, . . . to allow the naturally loving “me” to emerge. As you keep your eye focused upon the NEXT thing you need to “Un-Do,” then the loving “Do” . . . will flow from you! All your Doings will instinctively arise as you Un-Do that which obstructs the stream of inner goodness. Doing good, being kind, and loving others will inherently happen as you Recover the Innocence within.

* * * * *
I must focus on Un-Doing the NEXT thing, as the Light leads,
Un-Doing all that impedes . . . The Light of Innocence.
I am already fundamentally wonderful,
I must let the True Me emerge!
Because I was born purely innocent,
I need only Recover . . . my natural capacity.
   * * * * * 

Mary, you have been asking trivial questions about the shape of your body—whether it is perceived Thick or Thin, and whether or not insults were intended by certain words. You will eventually discover through inspired experience that what other people perceive about superficial appearance is completely unimportant. In contrast, what the Creator of Life perceives and knows about your "Who You Are"—this is of supreme importance!

Reading a glipse of your life history over 2-1/2 years, reveals the degree to which you are STUCK in the THICK of THIN THINGS. Again, your best life will NOT be lived by dwelling upon THIN THINGS.

Sincerely,

Matt Moody, Ph.D.
Social Psychologist

                ** Read Mary's Previous Emails about Thin Things:    #1     #2     #3    #4

* * * * * * *

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The Greatest Prize
for Life's labors isn't
in material possessions
or impressive accomplishments,
but in the progress of personal character.
You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward.
Who You Become is your greatest possession,
make it your Masterpiece!
(Changing Your Stripes, 2nd Edition, page 274).

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Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor