Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor

Dr Matt's Archive of Answers
to Burning Questions

Stuck in the Thick of Thin Things - Part 1

Mary is not obsessed with her weight, she is just really curious as to why Sandy made a suggestion to "exercise." HOWEVER, Mary agrees with everyone that Sandy is jealous, but she just wants to hear it from Sandy.

HERE IS THE STORY: Mary, who is thin, and Sandy who is heavy were engaged in a conversation about parking spots.  Mary told Sandy she parked very close to the building they are in, and for some reason Sandy said to Mary "exercise." Mary and Sandy parted company, but for some reason Sandy's remark bothered Mary, so Mary decided to confront Sandy.

Sandy clarified her remark by explaining that she "exercises" because her heart health. But Mary wouldn't let this drop and asked Sandy out of the clear blue "Do you think I am thin?"  Sandy replied "You are a size 8." Then Sandy paused and added "maybe a size 10." This upset Mary.  Sandy saw another girl standing not to far away and called out to this girl "What size are you?"  The girl replied "I am a size 6, why?"  Then  Sandy answered back "I am asking you because Mary thinks I think she is heavy."  Mary and Sandy and the girl parted company.

Mary went back to her desk and a co-worker saw Mary was upset so the coworker made Mary spill the story. After Mary told the story about what Sandy said, this co-worker, along with a few other coworkers who heard the story, reassured Mary she is thin and cannot be more than a size 4. Sandy must be jealous and resentful that Mary is thin and a size 4.  (Over the next few days people consistently told Mary, out the blue, she is thin and size 4).

MY QUESTIONS:  Do you agree with Mary's friends that Sandy is jealous and resentful that Mary is thin/skinny and size 4., so Sandy had to say something mean to hurt Mary? Mary wants to write a letter to Sandy to find out why she added the "size 10" comment! So do you think it is a good idea if Mary writes Sandy a letter?

Mary didn't mind Sandy saying size 8, but when she added in size 10 comment, that bothered Mary, since Mary is really a single digit size and thin, and everyone always tells Mary she is thin and clearly a single digit size.  MARY HAS GREAT SELF-ESTEEM THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SELF-ESTEEM (I PROMISE)

What people told Mary about her size (I used their initials):

AS: Mary you are so skinny
BL: Mary you are thin.
JL: No wonder Mary you are so skinny
TG: Mary you cannot weigh more than 100 pounds
YS: Thin I want to feel you Mary
SD: Mary you are thin
PK: Thin - not just saying that you Mary are thin - Mary you cannot weigh more than 90 pounds
DP: How do you Mary stay so thin - and you have to be a size 4
JK: Mary you are so thin
LF: Mary is a thin person
HT: How skinny do you Mary want to be
AZ: He is a big man, however, you Mary I can push
IP: Mary you are very thin

                ** Read Mary's Other Emails about Thin Things:     #1    #2     #3     #4

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Hello Mary:

Although you've keep your identity anonymous, I assume that YOU are "Mary." It could only be so, for Mary is the one who is "bothered" and concerned about a "mean" comment made by a jealous person.

You've capture the facts most meticulously!

In my book, "Changing Your Stripes," I've detailed the difference between facts and Truth. The burning question is this: What does it matter? Even if you find accurate answers to the questions of: Do other people perceive Mary to be thin or fat? . . . Is Sandy jealous of Mary being thin? . . . Was Sandy's comment intended to be mean? What difference does it make?

I've learned that the best life is lived . . . with our eyes fully focused upon the things that matter most! Thus entertaining un-important questions, takes time from asking, and finding answers to, the very BEST QUESTIONS!

Mary, it's a choice between floating along with the current of the mediocre majority, . . . versus deliberately walking on "the Road Less Traveled." My book includes a section entitled: Beginning Right: Good Questions, Good Answers. Raising the BEST QUESTIONS is what I strive to do each day of my life; and teaching others to do this . . . is what I do for a living.

As you continue your concern over Mary's thick or thinness (and how Sandy and others perceive it) . . . and Sandy's supposed jealousy of Mary, . . . you entertain a lesser question of Life: You are getting caught up in the THICK of THIN THINGS!

Here's my final answer to you:

Not all questions are worthy of being answered, . . . good philosophy involves the art of asking the best questions. When we are confronted with lesser questions, we need not answer them . . . rather, it is most wise to . . . disappear them.

So, I am disappearing your question!

I would be happy to give you a detailed analysis of what is going on between Mary and Sandy if you paid me to do so. But I would warn you first: you would be wasting your money!

I invite you to take up the "THICK" things of Life—the weightier matters of Life. Coincidentally, that topic is thoroughly detailed in my book, "Changing Your Stripes." One excellent way of concerning yourself with Life's Best Questions, is to focus upon the Truth, . . . instead of "the facts." Here is an excerpt from my book that speaks to that idea.

Best Regards,

Matt Moody, Ph.D.
Social Psychologist

                Read Mary's Other Emails about Thin Things:     #1    #2     #3     #4

* * * * * * *

The Greatest Prize
for Life's labors isn't
in material possessions
or impressive accomplishments,
but in the progress of personal character.
You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward.
Who You Become is your greatest possession,
make it your Masterpiece!
(Changing Your Stripes, 2nd Edition, page 274).

The book, "Changing Your Stripes" presents principles for getting out of
the ditch in which you've been dumped (the difficulties of which you are a victim), and
the ditch in which you've jumped (the difficulties for which you volunteer).

"Mastering a challenging situation
is ultimately a matter of
mastering yourself!"
- Matt Moody 

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If these principles resonate and ring true,
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Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor