Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor
Below is Dr Matt's Answer
Hello Dr Matt:
My name is Willa. I am a 32 year old divorced female.
My fiancee and I are currently living with my mother in her one bedroom apartment in West Virginia. I am trying to work towards owning my own family day care center. My fiancee and I are going to look for a place of our own as soon as his taxes come in.
Here's my problem. At the age of 32, my mother still tries to control my life. With her insistance, my family pushed me into having an abortion about 2 years ago.
She sends double messages. She tells me that my fiancee and I are in her way with what she wants to do, yet she says that we can stay anyway, even though she does not want us here. I told her that when his taxes come in that we would leave.
My mother puts both of us down behind our backs, and right in front of us too, but she denies that she's doing this. She talks bad about me to everyone in my family. She is trying to turn everyone against me. I can not afford to get help and should be on medication at this point of my life.
My mother is an alcoholic. She has been for a long time. She has pushed many people away in her life, just as she is doing with me. I am scared that I am going to find her dead some day.
Please help me.
You As long as your mother is drinking, her perceptions of life will be clouded and confused. You can expect her to be controlling and critical. So don't set yourself up for disappointment, by expecting her to be fair, as long as she is an alcholic.
The best way to influence your mother to make positive and productive choices for her life, is for you to lead the way. As you get healthy and happy, you will be a shining light for her to see. She will be influenced optimally through your good example--and through your inspired persuasions.
The warmth of your Love can eventually melt the cold emotions within your mother, as she lets that Love in.
Your example of love and goodness begins with a principle that Jesus taught; a principle that most Christians cannot live. Although we live in a nation where 90% profess to believe in God, yet most people are consumed with selfishness, contention, and condemnation. Here is the hard-to-live principle:
Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, . . . For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? (Matt. 5: 43-46).
As you get your life moving in the right direction, you will influence and encourage your mother to do the same. Since, she IS an alcoholic, she will not be able to pull herself out of her addiction via will power. Please read what I've posted at my website on about the Heart, and about Addiction.
As you are faithful in following the impressions of your Heart, you will be guided to your greatest personal growth and happiness, and guided in giving your mother the optimal invitations that will open the way to a live-saving miracle. Yes, a miracle is what it will take.
Mental Health Therapy is powerless to help people escape the strangle-hold of addiction. This is precisely why the "AA" approach to overcoming addiction is fruitful--becasue nothing is impossible with God (Matt 19: 26).
I invite you to schedule a free phone consultation, where I can further support you in making choices of the Heart, for everyone's best benefit.
Matt Moody, Ph.D.
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