Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor

Dr Matt's Archive of Answers
to Burning Questions

How to Change Obsessive Thinking & Compulsive Behaviors:
 Why You Can't Think Yourself Out of an Addiction,
Einstein's Mind Bind is the Obstacle 

Hello Dr Matt,

My name is Edita. Im Single, 16 years of age, and from Slovenia. I have a Huge problem.
Im Over Addicted to two Rock Bands. I listen to their music every minute of every day and I read everything I can about band members. But Im losing my friends, im not very good in school these days. And im starting to be in a fight with family members. Often i cry because i know i will never meet those band members.

Can you please tell me, what should i do to stop crying, and have no addiction 
to obssessing about these Bands. Please, i really need your help!

Thank You so much,
Edita.

Related Articles: Do I Really Have a Choice NOT to Be Stressed Out?
Why You Cannot Directly Think Yourself into Being Happy
As A Man Thinks So Is He: Clarifying A Misinterpreted Proverb
Why You Can't Train Your Brain Using the Same Brain that needs Training

Dear Edita,

The remedy to your problem is not merely a matter of what you should do to stop crying and bring an end to your addiction. Specifically, your remedy is not a matter of doing but a matter of being.

Addictive behavior flows from YOU just as water flows from a Fountain. So, if the Fountain is impure, the water that flows from it will be bitter. And when the Fountain becomes clean and pure, it is then that sweet water will flow.

Your Band Addictions flows from You, as a function of Who You Are — How You Are Being. This means that the Core of your being needs to be Changed — your highest and best solution is to experience a Change of your being from your Core, from your Heart. You need to experience a Change of Heart.

Different from solutions of Doing -- where you mentally engage your mind to Do certain behaviors and to Think certain thoughts -- the highest and best solution of experiencing a Change of your Being from the Heart, is not accomplished by mental will power or positive visualizations or affirmations.

There is a fundamental problem with THINKING that you can CHANGE YOUR THINKING with your THINKING. Said another way: You cannot Change your MIND using the same MIND that needs Changing. Why? Because your current mindset IS the one that created the Addiction that afflicts you in the first place. So how could you possibly use that SAME flawed mind to FIX your flawed mindset?

In my book, Changing Your Stripes, I call this Mental Conundrum, "Einstein's Mind Bind" -- You can't Change Your Mind using the Same Mind that needs Changing; You can't Fix a Situation using the Same Mind that needs Fixing. Albert Einstein said it this way:

"We cannot solve our problems at the same level of thinking which existed when the problem was created."

Here's the Mental Trap that you confront: It is commonly accepted that if you "Change your Thoughts, you can Change Your Addictive Behaviors." But here is a catch: What Mind will you be using to Change your Thoughts? ANSWER: The very SAME MIND that created your Addiction!

If you read the ideas in this Article on How You Can Choose NOT to React with Stress, you will learn the Principles that will bring a new Heart and a new Mind, and thus your Addiction will disappear. Why? Because it was the Old Heart and the Old Mind from which your Addiction flowed.

While the previous article has to do with overcoming Stress Reactions, the Principles are exactly the same for overcoming what you call "Band Addiction." Whenever you read the word "Stress" you can replace it with "Band Addiction" and the application will be essentially the same.

Eckhart Tolle also describes a Mind that is trapped in repetitive, addicted thinking:

"The greater part of most people's thinking is involuntary, automatic, and repetitive. It is no more than a kind of mental static and fulfills no real purpose. Strictly speaking, you don't think: Thinking happens to you. The statement 'I think' implies volition. It implies that you have a say in the matter, that there is choice involved on your part. For most people, this is not the case. 'I think' is just as false a statement as 'I digest' or 'I circulate my blood.' Digestion happens, circulation happens, thinking happens."

Eckhart's statement needs further explanation: First, he is describing "most" and not ALL people's thinking; and in terms of "most" people's thinking, Tolle is describing "the greater part" (or majority) of that thinking as "involuntary, automatic, and repetitive. . . . a kind of mental static and fulfills no real purpose." THIS part of our thinking happens like "Digestion" and "circulation."

All around us are Ideologues who "don't think" and are trapped in "involuntary, automatic, and repetitive" replay over and over and over again. This is why the father of American psychology, William James, said:

"A great many people think
they are thinking
when they are really just
rearranging their prejudices."

Thinking that is stuck in a repetitive cycle of mental static IS "thinking" that is not directed by a person's volition; hence, such a cycle IS Addiction.

When you cannnot control your thoughts or your behaviors, and habitually fall into obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors — you're addicted in some form or fashion. So how does a person become free from this Prison of Addiction, this Obsessive Compulsive Cycle? Jesus taught:

"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32)

Our minds are limited by our ignorance of the Truth. Freedom comes from knowing the Truth. We are not free to choose options of which we are unaware; thus, we cannot choose a Truth that we do not know yet. For example: There were many who observed the miracles of Jesus, yet they sought to crucify Him, anyway. They were not free to see and know the Truth — they were blinded. And why were they blinded? The Apostle Paul explains:

"Which things also we speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teaches, but which the Holy Ghost teaches; . . . But the natural man receives not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned."
(1 Cor. 2:13-14)

Edita, so that you might be free from your addiction, here is a Truth that will make you Free —
Jesus taught:

"how can you, being evil, speak good things?
for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."
(Matt. 12:34)

Along this line, Jesus could have also said:

how can you, being evil, THINK good things?
for out of the abundance of the heart the MIND THINKS.

Because of James Allen's popular book, some assume that the Bible contains a Proverb that states: "As a man thinketh, so is he."
But the Bible Proverb actually contains a vital element that is sometimes omitted:

“For as he thinks IN HIS HEART, so is he" (Proverb 23: 7)

Truth is, when we do not have "good treasures" within our Hearts, we are not free to THINK or SPEAK good things. Thus the KEY to fixing the old mind that hatched the old addictive thinking, is to get a New Heart, which will in turn bring a New Mind.

"A new heart also will I give you,
and a new spirit will I put within you:
and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh"
(Ezekiel 36:26)

Contrary to what those who embrace "The Secret" assume: It is impossible for You to fix your thinking, with your thinking — especially if your thinking is produced by the old mind that spawned your old addiction in the first place. The Change of Heart IS the solution. A Change that You do not control or contrive by your thinking; instead, it is a Change that happens by the redeeming power of Heaven. It happens has you release yourself from thinking, and trust in the Lord:

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Be not wise in thine own eyes"
(Proverbs 3:5-7)

Again, we cannot cause such a profound Change to occur directly, but only indirectly. As we believe in Christ and choose to faithfully follow His Loving Ways, we are Changed:

"Old things pass away, and all things become new;
you become a new creature in Christ."
(2 Cor. 5:17)

"With every conscious choice to draw near to God's Light and Love,
self-control is gradually acquired; the desire to indulge in darkness diminishes
in direct proportion to the Light that shines in you and the Love that comes from you.
As Divine Love and Light grows brighter and brighter with each
conscious choice to draw nearer to Light and Love,
the desire to do dark deeds disappears."
~ Matt Moody.

Sincerely,

Matt Moody, Ph.D.
Social Psychologist

* * * * * * *

The Greatest Prize
for Life's labors isn't
in material possessions
or impressive accomplishments,
but in the progress of personal character.
You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward.
Who You Become is your greatest possession,
make it your Masterpiece!
(Changing Your Stripes, 3rd Edition, page 274) 

The book, "Changing Your Stripes" presents principles for getting out of
the ditch in which you've been dumped (the difficulties of which you are a victim), and
the ditch in which you've jumped (the difficulties for which you volunteer).

"Mastering a challenging situation
is ultimately a matter of
mastering yourself!"
- Matt Moody 

"Changing Your Stripes," teaches you the principles that lead to lasting change,
making you a new kind of creature capable of communicating
with calm, even as storms of contention swirl.

If these principles resonate and ring true,
then . . . this book is for you!

Sold Exclusively
through this website

Changing Your Stripes is a
unique reference book that will help
you understand, . . . and solve all of
Life's ever-appearing problems.
Here are more reasons to buy
Changing Your Stripes

Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor