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Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor

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Getting Clear about Your Identity

To Master A Difficulty We Must Go Through It

Dear Dr Matt:

I am a 26 year old female. For the past few years I have made the biggest sacrifice I have ever made in my life, and I have no regrets for it.  Since my cousin was 3 months old, she is now 2, I have put my life on hold to help my mother take on the responsibility of caring for her (but not financially).  I neglected myself from having any kind of a life.  I dismissed my goal for taking advantage of my Associates degree by getting a good job that would have put me in a better situation than I am now, and I never asked for anything in return.

I wanted to find a job and I feared that I would have to stop babysitting my cousin. I was made to feel guilty when I was trying to decide on finding a job or babysit. I was lucky to find a job and I am Thankful cause I can still help out with my cousin and a little extra cash will help, now I may have to quite the job because its starting to hurt my back.  I'm starting to feel bad now because I feel too old to depend on anyone for anything, like getting to the store and to work and it makes me feel worse when it is pointed out to me.

Now that the year is ending and the new one will soon be here everyone is planning on going their own way, and I feel stuck, because my finances are not in order, and finding a place I can afford to live is not an easy task, I thought about income based apartments but I don't have transportation I need to get around.

I am ready to get my life on track and to gain my independence as well.  But because of the sacrifice I made (and I don't regret it)  makes it a very hard task for me to do on my own and makes me feel like I am stuck at a dead-end.  Do you have any advice on how I can go about getting my life in order? The goals I want to set for myself is to find a better paying job.  Getting finaces in order which will allow me to gain the independent life I so desire. And lastly, steps I can take to gain a healthier social life without having to stop babysitting my baby cousin.

Thank you.
Cynthia from Cincinnati

Dear Cynthia:

I congratulate you for the "sacrifice" you have made on behalf of your cousin. You actually haven't "put your life on hold" at all . . . you are living it in the most essential way just the way according to the Creator's design (see Matt 25: 35-40).

Yes, I have "advice on how you can go about getting your life in order." That is what I do!

Since it is Christmas time, remembering the Reason for the Season will become your foundation. Concerning a place to live and food to eat and clothes to wear, this is what Jesus invites us to do:

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, . . . shall he not much more clothe you? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, . . . yet your Heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, wherewithal shall we be clothed? Your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

Cynthia, all your answers will be found in His promises to you. Over 3,000 years ago, wise king Solomon wrote these words:

"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."

The "heart" is a metaphor to represent the sweet and subtle impressions that well within--it is the voice of your Creator speaking to you. If you will hear His voice and follow this inner guidance "with all diligence" . . . He promises that all of life's issues will be solved.

Now, your problems will not always be solved in the way you may expect; instead, they will be solved according to His infinite wisdom. Here is a Christmas message, I just sent to my family and friends. Within these words you will discover how Jesus can "solve" your issues:

Dear Friends:

What is the greatest gift we can give . . . to honor the birth of Jesus?
The answer is clearly given in His own words:

"Verily, I say unto you, this is my gospel;
for the works which ye have seen me do that shall ye also do.
If any man serve me, let him follow me;
hold up your light that it may shine unto the world.
Behold I am the light which ye shall hold up;
he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness,
but shall have the light of life.
Jesus saith, I am the way, the truth, and the life:
no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
For I have given you an example,
that ye should do as I have done.
If ye know these things,
happy are ye if ye do them."

No gift is more treasured by Jesus
than the gift of your becoming:

       Turbulent Waters
              By Matt Moody

All boats float equally well in still waters,
       but when waters are rough,
       small boats are vulnerable
              and sometimes sink!
It is easy enough to float along in life when waters are still.
       But in times of trouble and turbulence, it is then
       we see the size of our character
              and learn how large or small we are.
The purpose of Life is not to avoid troubled waters,
       but to navigate them faithfully
              with patience and compassion.
Life's problems are not solved by running away
       or by going around, but by facing,
              straight on.
To master a difficulty, we must go through it!
       A path with no obstacles provides no test of character.
              Those who would win the prize must be proven.
It is not how troubled the sea, but how steady the pilot.
       It matters not the comparative point in the journey,
              but whether we are facing the right direction
              and making unwavering progress.
       And the direction we must face, in every case . . . is Love.
Mother Teresa taught:
              "We cannot do great things,
              only small things with great love."
       In easing another's heartache, we forget our own.
Life's richest reward is not paid in silver or gold,
       but in fortitude forged
              as we faithfully travel through troubled waters.
Gibran wrote: "Our pain carves out a larger space for love to fill."
       Without a tear in our eye,
              we could not see the beauties of a rainbow.
So be glad, as you sail unsettled seas
       knowing that your greatest reward
       is your own becoming:
              Becoming a more wise and wonderful you!
              Recovering the You that is True
Life is a journey wherein we chart a course
       toward Light and Love,
              or allow wind and waves
              to decide a lesser destiny
                     along the course of least resistance.
Boats of all size float equally well in still waters.
       But it is the bigger boats that survive stormy seas,
       while small ships sink in the same rough water.
              And so we must be Large,
                     Large in Character,
                     Large in Love.

       (Changing Your Stripes, 2nd Edition, page 139).

Becoming "large in love" is not acomplished through determined will power or positive self affirmation or vivid visualizing:

"Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?"

His Love flows to you, and through you, as you release your will and yield to His Willyou experience a mighty change through the miracle of His Redemption.

"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you:
and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh."

Read more about the only change that matters: A Change of Heart.

Merry Christmas,

Matt Moody, Ph.D.
Social Psychologist

* * * * * * *

The Greatest Prize
for Life's labors isn't
in material possessions
or impressive accomplishments,
but in the progress of personal character.
You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward.
Who You Become is your greatest possession,
make it your Masterpiece!

(Changing Your Stripes, 2nd Edition, page 274)

The book, "Changing Your Stripes" presents principles for getting out of
the ditch in which you've been dumped (the difficulties of which you are a victim), and
the ditch in which you've jumped (the difficulties for which you volunteer).

"Mastering a challenging situation
is ultimately a matter of
mastering yourself!"

- Matt Moody 

"Changing Your Stripes," teaches you the principles that lead to lasting change,
making you a new kind of creature capable of communicating
with calm, even as storms of contention swirl.

If these principles resonate and ring true,
then . . . this book is for you!

Sold Exclusively

through this website

Changing Your Stripes is a
unique reference book that will help
you understand, . . .
and solve all of
Life's ever-appearing problems.
Here are more reasons to buy

Changing Your Stripes

Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor

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