Here are the weekly Recaps from the Top Thirteen Couples to the Final Three:
Bonjour, comment allez-vous Dance Fans!
You know that you've got a Family Show, when the "edge" of that show is provided by a . . . Mormon. That's right, Miss Edge herself, Lacey Schwimmer, is a Mormon. Hence, we have a Family Show a foot. Consider the Family Touch: Brother and sister (Derek & Juilianne Hough; father and Son (Corky and Mark Ballas). But it's Family Format Las Vegas Style with plenty of skin, thrown in.
So, Ted McGinley and Inna Brayer were tossed in the trash last week. Their dancing was better than Kim Kardashian and Cloris Leachman (in my estimation)—but their Fan Base was NOT. So they're gone with the wind!
Does Kim Kardashian have Fan Base? We'll see tonight. Because Fan Base is the only thing that will save this emotionally bland playboy bunny. Speaking of "edge," she's about a edgey as a bowl of oatmeal. She's very sweet and easy on the eyes, obviously. But dancing passion? . . . She ain't got none!
Speaking of Dancing Passion: Warren Sapp and Kym have got lots:
Here's my Less to Best Ranking for Week Number Two:
11 - CLORIS LEACHMAN — Corky Ballas ( Judges Score: 15, Judges Rank #11 )
Cloris attains the BOTTOM of the Judges Rankings . . . again. But there's no doubt in my mind that Fan Base will save her. The Pros are very smart with their choreography. They get their not-so-skilled partners to do a lot of grand "standing" while the Pro flatulates around them like a frienzied humming bird.
Cloris looked pretty good in her "standing" poses. Being a fabulous actress, she can pose quite powerfully. I thought it was the BEST that Corky Ballas could squeeze out of her 82 year old dancing abilities.
Still, judging against ONE STANDARD for all, it didn't measure up to the others.
10 - ROCCO DISPIRITO — Karina Smirnoff ( J-Score: 16, J-Rank #10 )
Play this one back, and watch Rocco do is grand "standing." Again, brilliant "smoke and mirrors" choreography by a crafty Pro! With Karina mincing convincingly about the stage, shaking her cute booty . . . was anyone watching Rocco at all?
Well, I did . . . and he was doing a lot a standing. And whenever he danced . . . his awkward abilities showed through. Still, I like him as a person and since this dancing contest is REALLY more of a popularity contest . . . Rocco may last a few more weeks because of his like-ability factor.
Actually, you CAN'T play this one back. Amazingly, this is the ONLY performance that is NOT posted at YouTube—nobody wanted to watch the Chef butcher the Rumba!?!
9 - KIM KARDASHIAN — Mark Ballas ( J-Score: 17, J-Rank #9 )
Kims got all the right physical equipment to sell a very sensual Rumba, but she's got NO passion in her dancing. She's got "pizzazz" appeal like a piece of soggy toast. The Judges commented that her performance was "colder and more distant than Siberia"—they got that right!
This girl needs MORE than dance instruction: She needs Dr Matt to works some psychological magic. Kim's got a train-load of self-defeating self-talk. NOT that "self talk" alone will fix her. It's much deeper than that. I've got to think that Kim is eliminated tonight.
It's a close call between her and Rocco, but I'm guessing Rocco has more fans? We shall see!
8 - MAURICE GREENE — Cheryl Burke ( J-Score: 19, J-Rank #8 )
Maurice has a lot of enthusiasm for what he is doing. I'll give his that. But the Judges are right about his dancing. It lask a lot of control and polish. He's kind of like a happy puppy floppy around the dance floor.
Rumba needs more subtle control to express the sensuality. Maurice didn't have it. BUT let have a reality check: Just 4 stinking days to learn this: WHAT do you expect!
7 - CODY LINLEY — Julianne Hough ( J-Score: 21, J-Rank #5 )
Lance and Lacey need to take notes on how Cody and Julianne maintain a tight, close dance postion throughout. Nicely done! Cody tightened up his loosey goosey tendencies and delivered! Julianne is starting to work her magic. She has coached two previous Stars to the top (Apolo Anton Ohno and Helio Castroneves).
While Apolo had some skill going in, from speed skating, Helio was a blank slate, and Cody is about the same. Will Julieanne work her mirror-ball magic again?
6 - MISTY MAY-TREANOR — Maksim Chmerkovskiy ( J-Score: 21, J-Rank #6 )
Misty May worked very hard at learning her Paso Doble. She mastered many step quite well. But what she didn't quite GET was the facial expression of the Dance: It's intense and passionate. She needed to show a range of emotion in her face. Instead, what we got was a serious blank stare throughout the dance — very Zombie-like!
Still, the dancing was pretty darn good! Slave-driver, Maksim, made sure of that! I'm pretty amazed the Maksim was not able to communicate the facial expression of the Paso Doble. Possibly, Misty May was so OVER-Whelmed by the tough choreography that her Zombie-expression was a function of consentration. Makes sense to me.
5 - WARREN SAPP — Kym Johnson ( J-Score: 24, J-Rank #2 )
Big Boy and Aussie Kym were deck out in their Matrix Costumes! Very Cool! How many cows did they have to kill . . . to make Warren's outfit. Peta should be seething over this animal-abuse outfit (I'm assuming it's leather?), but maybe it faux-leather, made from soy beans or tofu . . . or something like that?
The floor length Matrix cap was very slimming for Warren! Good Job Costume Designers! Now for the dancing. Get out the Spit Guard, the Judges are slobbing all over this performance. Hey, I've got eyes! It really wasn't better than the 3 performances scoring "21" points, nor Lacey and Lances "20" point performance.
Warren must be piling up the popular vote (like all the other Pro Football Players have done previously). So, there is a Judging/Producer conspiracy to make the audience think that Warren is really doing well. Well, he did do well . . . but he didn't do better than 4 other performers below him (according to the J-Scores).
4 - SUSAN LUCCI — Tony Dovolani ( J-Score: 21, J-Rank #4 )
Susan can ACT! Part of doing the Rumba, is expressing the mood and emotion of the dance. Susan did that very well—as an actress should.
Toni Dovilani has a knack for teaching the Stars how to execute their steps with clean simplicity. I've seen him do this with other Stars before with Marissa Jaret Winokur, Jane Seymour, Leeza Gibbons, Sara Evans—and his greatest success was with Stacy Keibler.
3 - LANCE BASS — Lacey Schwimmer ( J-Score: 20, J-Rank #7 )
Old Fogey Len Goodman . . . is a real party pooper. The Judges have Lance and Lacey in the #7 spot soley because Lenny was born in the 1700's and he has no tolerance for anything that as modern -- say, an innovation that has arose within the last 50 years. Len has got one foot in the grave, that's how OLD he is.
Anyway, the performance itself was entertaining, and nicely executed. Lance has more natural dancing skills that many of his competitors, and that will serve him well in coming weeks.
Interesting Twist: Lance is openly gay. The music: “I Kissed a Girl (and I liked it).” Of course, the song is about a girl kissing a girl, but when you think about a gay guy kissing a straight girl . . . that's an intriguing twist. Lance said of his kiss with Lacey "and I liked it!"
2 - TONI BRAXTON — Alec Mazo ( J-Score: 23, J-Rank #3 )
Toni Braxton and Alec performed a pretty rumba, even though there were only about seven seconds of real Rumba in it! Len noticed, and called for more basic steps. Truth be told, you can HIDE an amateurs inabilities better when you're NOT doing basics.
Their rumba was more like the free-wheeling competition rumba that the Pros do. Take a look at this one Joanna Leunis and Michael Malitowski—lots of creative sensuality intermixed with a few basics?
1 - BROOKE BURKE — Derek Hough ( J-Score: 24, J-Rank #1 )
Another solid routine; especially as you consider Brooke learned this routine in about 4 days. I like the dancing, but what's up with that music? I think this is the same music that is play duing the intor to the Evening News.
I'm NOT getting into the Bull Fight mood with this music, but . . . I can't hold it against Derek and Brooke. Do the dancers choose their music? I think the producers make the final decision, and the Pros have to choreograph to it.
It should be Kim "what is she famous for" Kardashian. But if Chef Rocco doesn't have Fan Base, he also is in jeopardy. Cloris Leachman. is also a Bottom Dweller (as far as Dance Performance is concerned), but I think she's gain bigger Fan Base every week, coz she puts on quite a show.
Results Show Recap:
I know you're all dying to know which dance from yesterday's competition, the Judges chose for an encore? Kym & Warren's passionate Paso Doble.
First five couples saved: Toni & Alec, Rocco & Karina, followed by Cody Linley & Julianne Hough, Brooke Burke & Derek Hough, then Susan & Toni.
Did you know that Judges Bruno and Len also perform judging duties in the British version of Dancing with The Stars—It's called Strictly Come Dancing. The British version is the original, and the American version is a spin off. Anyway, Bruno and Len fly back & forth from Los Angeles to London every week.
As the Results Show continues, producers make another subtle play for the "So You Think You Can Dance" audience; they feature a routine by SYTYCD choreographer Brian Friedman.
In between saving and eliminating action, Jessica Simpson sings "Come On Over." and more ties between DWTS and SYTYCD: Pasha Kovalev & Anya Garnis dance while Jessica Simpson sings. Of course, Pasha and Anya & Pasha were Season 3 Three performers on "So You Think You Can Dance." Pasha made the Top 6, while Anya made Top 12. The New DWTS Pro, Lacey Schwimmer was in the Final 4 that same year of SYTYCD.
By the way, I have a word to say about Jessica's Microphone technique: Could you please push the mircophone up your nose a little farther? BORING! It's the old rock-n-roll-microphone-hold. The one where it looks like the microphone is a carrot and you're eating it. Again, BORING.
Note to Jessica: When you have a pretty face, you don't want to hide it by shoving a microphone up your nose—with the Mircophone protruding out your face like a Unicorn Horn. Guess what? If you hold the microphone away from your face, just a bit, the sound man will turn up your mike volume a tad, and we can still hear you sing.
Here's a seasoned pro Gladys Knight showing you what I'm talking about: The Microphone does not have to constanttly hide a pretty face, it a good performing technique. Pay attention!
Middle Two Saved: Warren & Kim, Maurice & Cheryl.
Jessica Simpson sings again, this time she's "loving Angels" while eating her microphone as carrot. Luckily we don't have to watch Jessica nibble her microphone all the time, because Maksim and Cheryl do a Rumba to this pretty song.
The Perceived Bottom Four: Lance & Lacey, Misty & Maksim, Cloris & Corky, Kim & Mark. First to be saved among this group: Lance & Lacey. C'mon, this "in no particular order" routine has got to go! Give the TV audience a hint as to how their voting makes a difference in the Show—they become more engaged into the process this way.
BUT, on the other hand, since FAN BASE plays such a big part in Dancing with The Stars, the producers need the Smoke N' Mirrors of "in no particular order" to contrive a competition, when often there is NONE. Like last year . . . GET REAL, who was a better dancer than Kristi Yamaguchi—it was NO competition. Yet, the DWTS Producers had to cook up a contrived competition to keep the audience guessing
Misty & Maksim were next to be saved. Finally, Cloris is saved, as predicted, and Kim K. is totally kicked to the curb . . . as predicted! So, Mark Ballas reaches the heights of DWTS last year, as he and Kristi Yamaguchi win the mirror-ball trophy . . . then a year latter, Mark is paired with the bland playboy bunny—the baby who got back, but can't shake it—Kim Kardashian.
P.S. Here's the Recap and Review for DWTS Week #3
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Penn Jillette, Magician & Kym Johnson — 12th
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Josie Maran, Model & Alec Mazo — 12th
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Paulina Porizkova, Supermodel Alec Mazo — 11th
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Tucker Carlson, Political Pundit & Elena Grinenko — 10th
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Kenny Mayne, ESPN Sports Anchor & Andrea Hale — 10th
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Trista Rehn, The Bachelorette & Louis van Amstel — 6th
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