Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor
Below is Dr Matt's Answer
to a Burning Question
Depression Disappears like Frost before the Rising Sun
Dr Matt,
My name is Natalie. I am 18 years old. I live in Cincinnati. I am engaged.
I just got offered a job at Dillard's and I took the job, then I just got offered a job with the Government. I am currently going to school, but I am not sure if this is what I want to do with my life. I am pondering going to school for something else. I would like to work some now, and attend a different university later. I am in a community college right now studying cosmetology. I love it, don't get me wrong, but there are SO MANY things that I want as my career, I just can't decide.
If I take BOTH jobs (which are different shifts) I could finally pay all my bills and not file bankruptcy. My fiance and I are not making enough money right now to pay all of our bills. It has been so rough living on my own, that I have been diagnosed with depression.
I have been wanting to quit school for a while and work a full time job to save up some money. I really do think that I will go back to college, I am a very determined person when I set my mind to something. I think that taking both jobs would be for my best interest, yet I don't want people to think of me as a quitter.
Thanks,
Natalie
Dear Natalie:
Whatever you decide, do not let the opinion of people sway your final decision. In my book, I write about "the only vote that counts." Here's an excerpt:
Recovering the True You means embracing a "no excuses" approach to Life, a perspective that sees bad behavior as . . . bad behavior. While there will always be a context within which our choices are explained and understood, there is never an excuse that turns bad behavior . . . into good behavior. Although our contemporary culture often argues otherwise, there are never any exceptional alibis or rationalizations that make bad behavior . . . un-bad.
Excuse-making is the opposite of Owning, and Owning your “bad” IS a good way to begin a better life! But to own your “bad,” you’ll need to push aside the popular voice that persuades popular ways — “everybody’s doing it” — and instead, listen to the quiet whisperings of your heart.
In matters of Personal Peace,
the only Vote that counts is the one registered
in the Ballot Box of the Heart.
(Changing Your Stripes, page 216)
Living an honest life leads to happiness. Living honestly means keeping your word and your commitments. When we fail to live honorably, we become depressed.
You have a feeling within yourself that paying your debts would be a good thing to do. It is! Just turn the tables for a moment, and imagine that YOU are the one who has loaned someone money: Do you expect promises to be kept, and money to be repaid? What if the person you loaned money to "legally" avoided responsibility by filing for bankruptcy?
Declaring bankruptcy is a "legal" way of NOT keeping your word; it is a "legal" way of avoiding repayment to those from whom you have borrowed. The legality and formality of it, does not make it right — it just makes it legal.
You can likely think of some "legal" outcomes that were NOT also "moral" outcomes — injustice can ironically be enabled by our justice system.
It would be very good for you to work hard to pay back all your debts; as you take responsibility for your debts, you will live with honor and the connected consequence of happiness will be your prize. Taking on two jobs will help you do this more quickly.
Which of these 2 jobs conflicts with your current classroom schedule? Holding down two jobs and going to school may be impossible logistically? You may have to choose which ones you will follow through with for NOW.
Is it possible, or feasible, to finish this school semester and then put your schooling on hold thereafter, to work two jobs, to pay off debts?
Whatever option you choose, because your Creator loves you, . . . you can seek His guidance. As you ask of Him, you will feel within your heart what is right to do; that you might live with honor and integrity, and thereby, your feelings of depression will disappear like frost before the rising Sun.
Sincerely,
Matt Moody, Ph.D.
Social Psychologist
* * * * * * *
The Greatest Prize
for Life's labors isn't
in material possessions
or impressive accomplishments,
but in the progress of personal character.
You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward.
Who You Become is your greatest possession,
make it your Masterpiece!
(Changing Your Stripes, 2nd Edition, page 274).
The book, "Changing Your Stripes" presents principles for getting out of
the ditch in which you've been dumped (the difficulties of which you are a victim), and
the ditch in which you've jumped (the difficulties for which you volunteer).
"Mastering a challenging situation
is ultimately a matter of
mastering yourself!"
- Matt Moody
"Changing Your Stripes," teaches you the principles that lead to lasting change,
making you a new kind of creature capable of communicating
with calm, even as storms of contention swirl.
If these principles resonate and ring true,
then . . . this book is for you!
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Changing Your Stripes is a
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Changing Your Stripes
Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor