Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor

Archive of Dr Matt's Answers
to Burning Questions

Do I Have a Right to Ask My Pregnant
Girlfriend to Have an Abortion? 

Brandon
Oregon
26
single

Dr Matt:

I have been in a serious relationship for two years. I recently discovered that my girlfriend had been cheating on me at some time during the 1st year of our relationship. When I approached her about it two weeks ago, she lied initially, before admitting to it after I provided the proof. Unfortunately, the complicated part of the matter is that she is pregnant. She became pregnant because she had not taken her pill on time, and did not tell me until after we had intercourse. I knew she was pregnant before I found out she cheated on me, which I discovered only a few weeks ago. She assured me that the baby is mine, and I do not believe she would lie about this, since I already know that she cheated on me a year earlier.

I asked her to have an abortion, but she refused. I am very much against abortion, but I am also very much against having a child raised by a liar and a cheater. I feel like I am in a lose-lose situation. If I leave her, she still has my child and will raise the child which is half-mine, and the father very rarely wins a custody battle. If I stay with her, I'm letting her cheat and get away with it, and I deserve better. Is it right of me to ask her to have an abortion? Do I have a say in the matter? What should I do?

Brian

Dear Brian:

The right thing to do, is to do that which is best for the developing child.

This unborn child is not the property of either you or your girlfriend; instead, both of you bear responsibility to look after the best interests of this child. You have the responsibility to love this child. Responsibility is yours . . . not ownership.

As you choose to love this child and serve the best interests of the unborn child, the option of adoption becomes a wonderful opportunity. Through this loving choice, the child can be raised by two people who love each other, and can offer a stable home environment.

Think for a moment of yourself being carried in the womb of your mother (as indeed you were at one time), and now imagine your father persuading your mother to terminate the possibility of your birth. But you were born, . . . which is the destiny of every developing child in the womb.

Abortion means that a life is ended. Giving life and taking life is a prerogative and decision that is best left to the Creator of all life. Do your best to persuade your pregnant girlfriend to think about, and pray about, the option of adoption -- a choice that will allow this child to have a happy life within a loving home and family.

Sincerely,

Matt Moody, Ph.D.
Social Psychologist

* * * * * * *

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Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor