Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor
Archive of Dr Matt's Answers
to Burning Questions
Come visit Dr Matt at Facebook!
Why Do I Feel Stuck in Unhappiness?
Understanding E-motion as Energy-In-Motion
Hello Dr Matt,
My name is Ellenore. I'm 22 years old, I live in Chicago, and I'm a single female. I found your email on your web site. I've never emailed a psychologist before, better yet, I've never talked to a psychologist.
I feel stuck, stuck with words to explain myself, or to even write this email. Sometimes I feel that I'm trapped in this world without any happiness. I try to stay positive all the time, but its impossible.
I have no one to talk to about how i feel inside, i keep it all inside me, and write them all down. But sometimes when i keep too much to myself, my mood changes. Now my parents are going through a horrible time. They've been together for 26 years, and now they can't stand each other. I wish I can help my mom. She's always sad, and I wish I could make her happy.
I always keep my emotions to myself, so i won't make it worse. The only thing that keeps me going are my studies, but i hate it that i can't talk to anyone about anything. I don't trust anyone because in the end, I tend to get hurt. There's so much that goes through my head, but I should end the email before it gets over 4 pages.
I really need your help, and hope you can tell me what i should do.
Thanks,
Ellenore
Dear Ellenore:
I'm going to respond to your words one point at a time:
Ellenore writes: I feel stuck, stuck with words to explain myself, or to even write this email. Sometimes I feel that I'm trapped in this world without any happiness. I try to stay positive all the time, but its impossible.
The last sentence you just wrote is an interesting one. It's as if you intuitively KNOW that "positive" is what you should be. And I agree with you, it is "impossible" for you to CREATE positiveness . . . with just YOU and YOUR MIND. This truth is completely contrary to the wildly popular paradigm called "The Secret." Newton's 1st Law of Physics applies:
An object in motion will remain in motion, unless acted upon by an outside force
But instead of the movement of an "object" . . . we are dealing with the movement of emotions. Look at the word itself: "E-Motions" . . . this word symbolizes: Energy In Motion. What you are confronting is positive and negative feelings that are In-Motion; and indeed you ARE stuck . . . and will continue to be stuck . . . unless You are acted upon by an Outside Force.
Ellenore writes: Now my parents are going through a horrible time. They've been together for 26 years, and now they can't stand each other. I wish I can help my mom. She's always sad, and I wish I could make her happy.
Jamie, you're mother is caught in the momentum of sadness. Now read Newton's 1st Law of Physics again, and realize that your mother will continue to be sad . . . unless acted upon by an Outside Force.
You can be an "outside force" to some extent . . . indirectly; but YOU are NOT the Outside Force that can CAUSE her sadness to leave . . . and happiness to enter in. Once you discover the meaning of the Outside Force, you can encourage and invite and influence your mother to be moved by the Outside Force -- to be changed by the Outside Force!
You see, just like an asteroid floating through outer space . . . your mother's sadness is floating through life; and the movement in both cases will NOT change, UNLESS the Outside Force changes the direction of the asteroid, and the direction of your mother's E-Motions.
YOU can't change your own E-Motions . . . You CAN'T do it anymore than a pile of sticks can Light themselves on FIRE. In order to feel warm emotions, you must allow the Fire to warm you -- the Fire must draw near to you. Without the Fire, you cannot "think" yourself into being warm . . . YOU Can't Do It alone. You cannot get warm without the Fire!
Ellenore writes: I always keep my emotions to myself, so i won't make it worse. . . . i hate it that i can't talk to anyone about anything. I don't trust anyone because in the end, I tend to get hurt. There's so much that goes through my head, . . . I really need your help, and hope you can tell me what i should do.
Yes, I can tell you what you should do, and I will tell you! First, prepare to be still and get ready to close your eyes (after you've read my next question :o) -- I want you to close your eyes and tell me the meaning of "Outside Force" and "Fire." BUT don't even try to come up with the answer yourself . . . just listen to the impressions of your Heart.
Again, without talking to yourself, Tell me what you hear without talking to yourself!
Sincerely,
Matt Moody, Ph.D.
Social Psychologist
* * * * * * *
The Greatest Prize
for Life's labors isn't
in material possessions
or impressive accomplishments,
but in the progress of personal character.
You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward.
Who You Become is your greatest possession,
make it your Masterpiece!
(Changing Your Stripes, 2nd Edition, page 274).
The book, "Changing Your Stripes" presents principles for getting out of
the ditch in which you've been dumped (the difficulties of which you are a victim), and
the ditch in which you've jumped (the difficulties for which you volunteer).
"Mastering a challenging situation
is ultimately a matter of
mastering yourself!"
- Matt Moody
"Changing Your Stripes," teaches you the principles that lead to lasting change,
making you a new kind of creature capable of communicating
with calm, even as storms of contention swirl.
If these principles resonate and ring true,
then . . . this book is for you!
Sold Exclusively
through this website
Changing Your Stripes is a
unique reference book that will help
you understand, . . . and solve all of
Life's ever-appearing problems.
Here are more reasons to buy
Changing Your Stripes
Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor