Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor

Archive of Dr Matt's Answers
to Burning Questions

I'm a Wreck:
Losing Faith and Hope in Everything  

hello dr. matt,

my name is ariana. im a 27 year old female in a relationship who lives between two cities: my family lives in new orleans and my boyfriend lives in baton rouge. at the moment im kinda homeless. i lived in chicago for 5 years and fell madly in love w my current boyfriend a year and a half ago.

i left all my success, everything i knew, owned and loved to move w my boyfriend for a spectacular job he was offered. well due to the economy, he lost it. i now live in his mothers house on unemployment. i have my belongings scattered through out friends and families houses. im having a terrible 2009, everythings gone wrong, literally.

im catching a lot of grief from my family from all angles. i feel like a piece of fresh meat in a lions den. but im so at my wits end w life right now that my patience is non existent. i dont understand why they haven't lended any help to me. they only bring so much more drama into my life. i love them but i dont like them. they hurt me every chance they get it feels. im sucha a lover that i find it hard to stand my ground w my beliefs on the way i should be treated.

when i do i get shunned from everyone. i lose either way always. what the heck should i do? im stuck here for another month. i have no money to get me out of this hell hole. im kinda losing faith and hope in everything. im a wreck. please help.

ariana

Dear Ariana:

The Subject Heading of your email announces the need for an "Outside Perspective." How about a perspective that sees from millions of miles above and beyond this earth, and for thousands of years into the future?

Your ultimate success in this life, will be to invest in those treasures you can take with you after mortal death. It's interesting that you speak of being a "lover." In George Ritchie's short book entitled "Return From Tomorrow," you will read his account of dying in a military hospital in Texas and thereafter, his vivid descriptions of where his spirit self went and what he heard and saw in the life beyond this one.

As George Ritchie's entire life flashed before him in a moment, it was crystal clear to him that what he once thought as important was infinitely insignificant, and a single imperative filled his heart and soul: "How much did you love?" When George's mortal body came back to life, his primary purpose for his moral life had a lazer focus upon Love.

Your personal development of character is the only thing that you will take with you after mortal death; this is your greatest measure of success. This is the way I say it in my book:

The Greatest Prize
for Life's labors isn't
in material possessions
or impressive accomplishments,
but in the progress of personal character.
You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward.
Who You Become is your greatest possession,
make it your Masterpiece!
(Changing Your Stripes, 2nd Edition, page 274).

Because Who You Become is your greatest possession, this is precisely why the Bible speaks of "rejoicing" (1 Peter 4: 13) in the face of affliction; for these trying moments are the very opportunities for our greatest growth — trying moments like the one you're in right now!

With the proper perspective, an inspired perspective, you will see in the coming days how your Creator will teach you things that can only be learned through affliction. That is, if you are willing to patiently listen and learn.

You can start painting the Masterpiece of your life by understanding the highest meaning of Love.

There is much more to say, and I have said most of it in my book, Changing Your Stripes — to include what in the "heck" you should do in your "hell hole" for the next month: First, take full advantage of this precious opportunity. Here's what Viktor Frankl learned while enduring many months in a Nazi Death Camp:

"If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life . . . The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity--even under the most difficult circumstances--to add a deeper meaning to his life. . . . Here lies the chance for a man either to make use of or forego the opportunities of attaining the values that a difficult situation may afford him."

In every challenging circumstance there is an opportunity to obtain value and deeper meaning in life. Even under appalling abuse, there is liberty within: You are the ultimate author of your inner responses. Of his fellow prisoners, Frankl noted:

" . . . Only a few kept their full inner liberty and obtained those values which their suffering afforded, but even one such example is sufficient proof that man’s inner strength may raise him above his outward fate. Such men are not only in concentration camps. Everywhere man is confronted with fate, with the chance of achieving something through his own suffering."
(Changing Your Stripes, 2nd Edition, page 13)

There are many people who have gone through worse than you, and once you become aware of their stories, you will realize that your situation is far from being a "hell hole."

My book is not valuable because I wrote it; but is valuable because it puts you in touch with the Creator's wisdom and power — giving you hope and faith through your afflictions to the point that you will be grateful for your opportunities to "suffer with Him" (Romans 8: 16-18) and allow Him to make something of you, beyond your present ability to imagine.

Sincerely,

Matt Moody, Ph.D.
Social Psychologist

* * * * * * *

The Greatest Prize
for Life's labors isn't
in material possessions
or impressive accomplishments,
but in the progress of personal character.
You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward.
Who You Become is your greatest possession,
make it your Masterpiece!
(Changing Your Stripes, 2nd Edition, page 274).

The book, "Changing Your Stripes" presents principles for getting out of
the ditch in which you've been dumped (the difficulties of which you are a victim), and
the ditch in which you've jumped (the difficulties for which you volunteer).

"Mastering a challenging situation
is ultimately a matter of
mastering yourself!"
- Matt Moody 

"Changing Your Stripes," teaches you the principles that lead to lasting change,
making you a new kind of creature capable of communicating
with calm, even as storms of contention swirl.

If these principles resonate and ring true,
then . . . this book is for you!

Sold Exclusively
through this website

Changing Your Stripes is a
unique reference book that will help
you understand, . . . and solve all of
Life's ever-appearing problems.
Here are more reasons to buy
Changing Your Stripes

Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor