Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor

Dr Matt's Archive of Answers
to Burning Questions

My Boyfriend is Not
Coming Around Anymore 

Hi my name is Miley. I am 17 and live in Montana.

I have a bit of a problem. See my boyfriend and been dating for a few months. He usually finds me every day, but for the last couple of days I can't find him and he hasn't come to find me. I try to look for him, but I can't find him. I have skipped eating lunches to find him. All of the girls I live with were saying that he had gone to a different lunch when he was supposed to have my lunch. I am really worried that someone has said something to him because he hasn't been around. Even when I try to call him the people at his house say that he isn't home. What should I do?

Dear Miley:

Let's assume that "someone has said something to him." What kind of a guy is going to believe gossip over believing his face to face experience of you?

If this guy really enjoys being with you, then his direct relationship with you will override all hearsay. His actions right now, reveal his character (of lack of character). Just as your actions reveal your level of character and maturity.

Truth is, the best relationships "click" without a lot of premeditated planning or carefully crafted strategies. Your best life come to you and your best relationship will flow to you, as you yield to that flow—instead of push and manipulate desired outcomes.

In the end, you can only attract as good as you are. The type of guys that naturally attract to you, says a lot about WHO YOU ARE.

What should you do? First, let this guy go his way. Don't chase him. If he is right for you, and you desire his friendship, . . . he will naturally return. You won't have to beg and coax him—he will want your friendship. Unless he is motivated by physical desires; in which case, you may be just a convenient object for momentary pleasure—to be tossed to the side, once used.

Again, what should you do? Get busy on becoming the best you can be . . . and then, sure as the Sun will rise in the morning, the best guys will naturally attract to you. You won't have to beg them, chase them, or coax them. This is the way long-lasting attraction works: Like attracts Like. Of course, the ideas detailed in my book will put you on the path to becoming the best you can be!

Now, the "Opposites Attracts" principle is also REAL, but it applies to emotionally unhealthy people. For example: lazy, messy guys will naturally attract to a "mother figure" who will clean up after them and serve them like slaves. Or a "needy, nonassertive woman" will naturally attract to a guy who will dominate her and take charge. The Opposites Attract Principle leads to what is called a "Co-Dependent" Relationship—which is an unhealthy relationship.

In contrast, Like attracts Like is the principle that applies to emotionally healthy people, and is the basis for the most satisfying and enduring relationships—this the overwhelming conclusion of countless sociological studies.

Sincerely,

Matt Moody, Ph.D.
Social Psychologist

* * * * * * *

The Greatest Prize
for Life's labors isn't
in material possessions
or impressive accomplishments,
but in the progress of personal character.
You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward.
Who You Become is your greatest possession,
make it your Masterpiece!
(Changing Your Stripes, 2nd Edition, page 274).

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Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor