Do you know someone who has a problem,
but doesn't "think" they have a problem?

Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor

Family History Therapy by Dr Matt:
Getting Clear about Your Identity

In Denial and Clueless !

By definition, when you are "in denial" . . . you are blind to your own blindness! It's a self-perpetuating bind: You're stuck in a rut . . . yet, you don't "think" you're stuck at all.

When someone else in "in denial," it's pretty easy to see their diversion! But how do you help someone else see that they are "fooling themselves?" Or . . . if you happen to be "self-deceived," how would you ever know it? How might you see your own blindness? How can you see at all, when you are blind?

My book, "Changing Your Stripes," has the answers: It breaks down the complexities of self-deception into simple, predictable patterns that consistently signal your own (or someone else's) departure from Life's Inherent Harmony. You see, that is how self-deception is spawned: By going against your own sense of what is true—betraying your own intuitions of honesty.

Here are some excerpts from my book that speaks of the phenomenon of fooling yourself.

Fooling Yourself: Slightly Blind Or Completely Oblivious? The "Fooling Yourself" phenomenon is manifest in varying degrees of distortion, ranging from Slightly Blind to Completely Oblivious. The Slightly Blind kind . . . have an inking in the back of their mind that they need to be honest with themselves--but haven't yet. The inner imbalance, to which they are slightly aware, keeps gnawing away. Though they may not openly admit, they feel within that they are "off track." In moments of utter honesty, they know that they need to change.

In Contrast, people who are Completely Oblivious live life with an almost impenetrable blockage of blindness, a thick wall of denial about every aspect of their personal problems. Usually they are the last person to be aware of what's going on. Completely Oblivious people have a problem . . . but they don't "see" it, and you can't fix anything 'till you "know" it's broke (see Einstein's Mind Mind).

When in betrayal and blind, seeing your own bad behavior is difficult. Because you're viewing Life from a perspective located within your body, it's actually easier to see others doing dumb things because their doing and way of being is openly apparent. In a similar way, this is why armchair quarterbacks are able to easily "see" real quarterback blunders--in retrospect. Just as real quarterbacks are actually "IN" the game . . . you are living life "IN" your body; thus, everyone can see your blunders better than you. When the "play" is already "run," everyone knows a "better play"--in retrospect. And this is where being Completely Oblivious comes in: This kind of blindness prevents a person from "seeing" the "better play" to run, . . . even in retrospect.

Because YOU cannot see yourself directly, it is wise to listen to the secondary reflections coming back from the social mirror so that you . . . can "get a clue." But people who are completely oblivious also tend to be completely defensive about "letting in" reflective feedback; they tend to tune out to any feedback that is not complementary to their current course--such is the nature of the beast. This is why the "beast" needs to become a New Kind of Creature, . . . a kinder, gentler creature.

It requires a humble receptiveness to "see" the reflections coming from the social mirror. For the completely oblivious beast, constructive feedback is shunned like the plague. Appropriately, oblivious beasts live in a trap: They are the creatures that need feedback the most, but are the beasts least likely to "let it in." They are perpetually STUCK: The very reflections that would help them see how they are being, and invite change, ARE the very reflections that they defensively block out.

* * * * *
When you don't know that you've got a problem, . . . that's a problem!
You can't solve a problem that you don't "think" you have.
Blind, Oblivious, and in Betrayal . . . you're Stuck!
.* * * * *.

The condition of being blind, oblivious, and in betrayal is self-perpetuating. Because the very mind . . . that chose the betrayal bind in the first place, is the same corrupted mind that is TRYING to figure a way out. Thus people who are slightly blind or completely oblivious quite naturally seek the wrong solutions. (Changing Your Stripes, page 3-10)

The Blindness called "self-deception" is easily explained and understood: It is simply a function of a descending lack of Light in our lives. Here's another excerpt that touches on this topic:

It's hard to See in the Dark. As the sun sets beyond the horizon, its light grows gradually dimmer. With the onset of darkness, the ability to see become increasingly impaired. Like physical vision, our spiritual vision is also obscured as we leave the Light of Innocence: Out of the abundance of the heart, the eyes see. When our heart is out of harmony, . . . we cease to see clearly. Diminished vision is an unavoidable result of walking in the shadows of betrayal. Because we no longer see through innocence eyes, we perceive a different world before us. We see differently, not because the world around us has changed, . . . but because we have changed.

* * * * *
When I go against my own sense of Truth,
I go against myself, . . . I am false.
Being false, the way I experience the world is colored by my falseness:
I see darkness in my world, because of the darkness in me.
My thinking, my emotions, and how I behave
are all tainted by betrayal.
My search for solutions is skewed;
It is wrong, . . . . because I am wrong.
.* * * * *.

When caught in the trap of betrayal, we encounter the connected consequence of diminished vision; betrayal and blindness always occur together. People will not even attempt to correct a problem if they don't think they have a problem--yet they do . . . and are blind to it! Thus, having an intellectual awareness of the tell-tale signs of betrayal is a good start in "seeing" past the blindness. Intellectually identifying the tell-tale signs can be quite easy, the harder task is "seeing" the full implications of these outward signs; but we will continue to be blind to the complete implications as long as we remain in betrayal. Clear vision only comes with harmony of heart.

"The only change that matters is a change of heart,
every other change alters us cosmetically but not fundamentally,
modifies how we appear, what we do or what we say,
but does not change who we are."
- C. Terry Warner.

(Changing Your Stripes, The Manual, page 3-21)

* * * * * *

"Changing Your Stripes" will help you start from fresh beginnings—
entering into issues correctly and asking the best questions.

I have accepted many false opinions as true,
and from the time that I first recognized this fact, I have
realized that if I wished to have any firm and constant knowledge,
I would have to undertake, once and for all, to set aside all
the opinions which I had previously accepted
and start again from the very beginning.
- Descartes.

"Changing Your Stripes" teaches you the principles that lead to lasting change.
It identifies the tell-tale signs of self-deception, so you are free
to see . . . the extent to which you are blind.

If these ideas resonate and ring true,
then . . . this book is for you

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Changing Your Stripes is a
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Changing Your Stripes

Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor