Have a Question for Dr Matt?
Just Send Dr Matt an Email
Emotional feelings fluctuate! Romantic excitement ebbs & flows—it comes and it goes! This is why the State Commission on Marriage and Family identified "commitment," and not love, as the most important element in making a good marriage.
"The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth. . . . Love is not effortless. To the contrary, love is effortful. . . . Love is an act of will--both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love. . . . The act of falling in love is an act of regression. . . Real love is a permanently self-enlarging experience. Falling in love is not. . . The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love. . . . True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It is a committed, thoughtful decision. . . Commitment is the foundation, the bedrock of any genuinely loving relationship. . . . it is our sense of commitment after the wedding which makes possible the transition from falling in love to genuine love."
True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well-being of one's companion. Couples who stay married for a lifetime are inevitably faced with the task of keeping romantic love alive. But as long as two partners are committed, romantic feelings can be renewed and made fresh!
* * * * * * *
The highest expression of Love is NOT an emotion.
The kind of love that stands . . . is created through a committed decision. When we are truly loving, emotional feelings that flow from us, reinforce this commitment; whereas, the kind of love that falls . . . is based directly on emotion. As emotional feelings fluxuate, the "love" that falls comes and goes just like the up and down emotional "feelings."
* * * * *
This is why Sioux Indian holy man Black Elk said: "It is in the darkness of their eyes that men get lost, when we cannot see our way, we think darkness is shrouding our pathway, when really the darkness is in ourselves."
* * * * *
When you are truly being Loving, . . . your very Being IS Love. And Being Love is the highest attainment of purpose and existence. Human Be-ing has its richest fulfillment within the relational Bonds of Love that Stand!
* * * * *
If these ideas resonate and ring true,
Changing Your Stripes is a