Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor
Below is Dr Matt's Answer
Dear Dr Matt:
I am a 26 year old female. For the past few years I have made the biggest sacrifice I have ever made in my life, and I have no regrets for it. Since my cousin was 3 months old, she is now 2, I have put my life on hold to help my mother take on the responsibility of caring for her (but not financially). I neglected myself from having any kind of a life. I dismissed my goal for taking advantage of my Associates degree by getting a good job that would have put me in a better situation than I am now, and I never asked for anything in return.
I wanted to find a job and I feared that I would have to stop babysitting my cousin. I was made to feel guilty when I was trying to decide on finding a job or babysit. I was lucky to find a job and I am Thankful cause I can still help out with my cousin and a little extra cash will help, now I may have to quite the job because its starting to hurt my back. I'm starting to feel bad now because I feel too old to depend on anyone for anything, like getting to the store and to work and it makes me feel worse when it is pointed out to me.
Now that the year is ending and the new one will soon be here everyone is planning on going their own way, and I feel stuck, because my finances are not in order, and finding a place I can afford to live is not an easy task, I thought about income based apartments but I don't have transportation I need to get around.
I am ready to get my life on track and to gain my independence as well. But because of the sacrifice I made (and I don't regret it) makes it a very hard task for me to do on my own and makes me feel like I am stuck at a dead-end. Do you have any advice on how I can go about getting my life in order? The goals I want to set for myself is to find a better paying job. Getting finaces in order which will allow me to gain the independent life I so desire. And lastly, steps I can take to gain a healthier social life without having to stop babysitting my baby cousin.
I congratulate you for the "sacrifice" you have made on behalf of your cousin. You actually haven't "put your life on hold" at all . . . you are living it in the most essential way just the way according to the Creator's design (see Matt 25: 35-40).
Yes, I have "advice on how you can go about getting your life in order." That is what I do!
Since it is Christmas time, remembering the Reason for the Season will become your foundation. Concerning a place to live and food to eat and clothes to wear, this is what Jesus invites us to do:
Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, . . . shall he not much more clothe you? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, . . . yet your Heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, wherewithal shall we be clothed? Your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Cynthia, all your answers will be found in His promises to you. Over 3,000 years ago, wise king Solomon wrote these words:
"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."
The "heart" is a metaphor to represent the sweet and subtle impressions that well within--it is the voice of your Creator speaking to you. If you will hear His voice and follow this inner guidance "with all diligence" . . . He promises that all of life's issues will be solved.
Now, your problems will not always be solved in the way you may expect; instead, they will be solved according to His infinite wisdom. Here is a Christmas message, I just sent to my family and friends. Within these words you will discover how Jesus can "solve" your issues:
What is the greatest gift we can give . . . to honor the birth of Jesus?
"Verily, I say unto you, this is my gospel;
No gift is more treasured by Jesus
All boats float equally well in still waters,
Becoming "large in love" is not acomplished through determined will power or positive self affirmation or vivid visualizing:
"Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?"
His Love flows to you, and through you, as you release your will and yield to His Will—you experience a mighty change through the miracle of His Redemption.
"A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you:
Read more about the only change that matters: A Change of Heart.
Matt Moody, Ph.D.
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