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Hi Dr Matt,
14 April 2010. I hate feeling this out of control. Nothing in my life feels right anymore and I don’t even know where to start to fix it. I have no direction, no friends I can confide in anymore. I feel like nobody understands me and I hate my own personality. I have no motivation, and the more that things become out of control the more I become overwhelmed and don’t feel I can do any of it any more.
I desperately want somebody who just thinks the world of me and who wants to spend time with me, accept me for some of my weird ways and help me get through times when I am struggling.
Dr Matt comment: Crystal, every intent and emotion, thought and behavior that comes out of YOU . . . is YOUR Fault from this day forward — because you are old enough to be Response-Able <----- search that word at my website!
I hate what I see in the mirror, and the more that I hate it the more I do things which probably make it worse, i.e., Comfort eat. I can never seem to break this stupid cycle and it has dogged me for literally years now. I am ridiculously unhappy when I am fat, but then I am unhappy when I lose weight too. I don’t even know what makes me happy.
Everyone else seems to manage and be able to cope so easily and I am so frustrated that I can't. My insecurity and my self hatred ruin my relationship and I go off the handle about things which shouldn't’t really be a big deal.
I have no clothes which I feel nice in, but I don’t want to go shopping because I don’t feel good enough for anything new. I really need to sort myself out once and for all I just wish I knew how. I don’t know if being back at home with an uncertain future is what is giving me all these feelings of weirdness and insecurity.
I need to sort out my life. I need to do it for me, to prove I am worth something and can do it. I need to get back on top of motivating myself and take small steps to becoming more organised and independent and on top of things.
Dr Matt comment: YOU Motivating YOU . . . will NEVER work. This is a Head-heavy solution that has serious limitations that I explain at my website.
I used to be a very strong and highly motivated person, and It is almost like I am totally rebelling against this now by doing the complete opposite. I am so unhappy.
What luck! You've found a person who knows that the best solution to your problem is absolutely NOT to find a few "coping mechanisms." It is infinitely superior to solve your situation completely, so you won't have to "cope" with it -- for "it" will no longer weigh upon your mind or your heart.
In my book, "Changing Your Stripes," I have a section entitled "Changing The Past" — a shocking assertion, yet absolutely true. But how can a person Change . . . something that cannot be Changed?
The Past can be changed, literally, as you understand WHAT the Past IS and WHAT the Present IS. The solution of "change" is NOT accomplished through some cheap mental trick like, "I'll simply tell myself that this black cat, is really a white cat" — No, this approach is the fake-it-till-you-make-it solution of positive mental attitude. Truth is, you will NEVER "make-it" using this Head-heavy techniques — again, mental programming has serious limitations.
The solution to your problems will NOT be found using Head techniques. The best and lasting solution happens through the Heart, . . . and NOT the Head. It's a deep subject, so I will not attempt to characterize the Heart Solution with a just few words. It's far too easy to dismiss pithy remedies, so I will NOT give you one. Understanding the process of Change that happens through the Heart requires a thorough explanation, diligent study, and patience over time.
Nevertheless, I can point you in the right direction. About 2,000 years ago, King Solomon, a man considered one of the world's wisest, said this:
"Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life."
When you understand the meaning of the "Heart" metaphor, then you will have a satisfying solution within your reach; a solution that will completely disappear this particular problem — as opposed to giving you a technique to "cope" with your problem. Hope . . . is infinitely better than Cope.
If you use the Search function at my website, and enter the keyword "Heart" you will find more information that will be helpful.
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