Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor

Dr Matt's Archive of Answers
to Burning Questions

Am I Doing It Too Much or Should I Stop?

Hi Dr Matt,

I am 16 and I go to high school. I guess I don't know who else to ask but it's just weird that's all.  It's like whenever my mom and dad are not home I feel like I have to masturbate. I just don't know if I am doing it too much or if I should try to stop it somehow.  I am really sorry for asking but I don't know who else to even ask about it. Sorry.

Sincerely,
Brittany M.

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Hello Brittany:

The following words are found at the beginning of my book, Changing Your Stripes. They were written by one of my college professors — a man who profoundly impacted my life.

The Journey
by Reed H. Bradford

For this is the Journey that men make:
To find themselves. If they fail in this, it matters little
whatever else they may achieve: Money, Fame, Revenge.
When they end the Journey, they can put them all into
a bin marked “ashes.” They mean nothing.
But if one has found that he has within him
a divine soul, if he has discovered the principles
upon which the fulfillment of that soul is based, and
if he implements those principles, then he has a mansion
within which he can live with dignity
and joy each day of his life.

As you primarily focus upon "discovering the principles upon which the fulfillment of your soul is based," you will naturally come to know the answer to your question, and even more important, you will acquire the inner strength to follow the intuitions of your heart.

I recently counseled with a man who was trying to quit drinking. I said to him:

"Your best chance to quit will come as you focus upon, and find strength in, the only Source that can rescue you from your addiction — you will NOT be able to quit by your own will power."

Here are two poems from my book that contrast sources of power.

Life will flow as it should, as you fully invest yourself into what you should DO — instead of fretting about what you should QUIT.

With that preface, the answer to your question is . . . you should "stop it somehow."

But you will be empowered to "stop" — and you will also understand the reason why stopping is best — as you give your whole heart to what you should DO to be TRUE. About 3,000 years ago, King Solomon wrote these wise words:

Keep thy heart with all diligence for
out of it are the issues of life.

Here is one reason why you should stop:

The pleasure you feel when you touch yourself, is a euphoric feeling intended to bond husbands and wives within marriage. Sexual pleasure is a bonding celebration that reinforces the love and commitment between husbands and wives. In addition to providing for the survival of the human race from generation to generation, the reinforcing euphoria that bonds committed couples is an additional reason why the Creator placed intimate urges and the capacity for sexual excitement within human bodies.

All sorts of bad consequences unfold, when people abuse this sacred expression outside of marriage. Another reason for stopping is this:

People who spend years pleasuring themselves, get into a habit of fantasizing. When the opportunity for real intimacy with a spouse presents itself, chronic fantasizers often prefer the pleasure habits they are used to -- habits often tied to pornography. Hence, fantasizers become disconnected from the people they should be loving and bonding with.

Having counseled married couples for many years, it is common for wives to report that their husbands are "distant" during sexual intimacy — which means these men go somewhere else in their Heads, instead of being in the Here and Now with their wives. Men (and sometimes women) actually disconnect from the very reason the Creator placed sexual urges within human bodies.

Because people tend to imitate the behavior of the groups they associate with, it is vital to your future success, that you find friends who are committed to high moral standards. Again, as you focus upon living true principles that bring fulfillment and staying true to your heart, within this way of life, you will fully understand the proper expression of sexual urges and intimacy.

I encourage you to talk with your parents about these important issues; share with them the contents of this letter and follow their wise counsel. Finally seek guidance and strength from your Creator, which is something King Solomon also advised 3000 years ago:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and
lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him,
and he shall direct thy paths.

By the way, the Creator of Heaven and Earth, and the Lord in whom we should trust is Jesus the Christ -- the babe of Bethlehem. He is the reason for the season. Merry Christmas!

Sincerely,
Dr Matt

* * * * * * *

The Greatest Prize
for Life's labors isn't
in material possessions
or impressive accomplishments,
but in the progress of personal character.
You labor for your own becoming, this is your richest reward.
Who You Become is your greatest possession,
make it your Masterpiece!
(Changing Your Stripes, 2nd Edition, page 274).

The book, "Changing Your Stripes" presents principles for getting out of
the ditch in which you've been dumped (the difficulties of which you are a victim), and
the ditch in which you've jumped (the difficulties for which you volunteer).

"Mastering a challenging situation
is ultimately a matter of
mastering yourself!"
- Matt Moody 

"Changing Your Stripes," teaches you the principles that lead to lasting change,
making you a new kind of creature capable of communicating
with calm, even as storms of contention swirl.

If these principles resonate and ring true,
then . . . this book is for you!

Sold Exclusively
through this website

Changing Your Stripes is a
unique reference book that will help
you understand, . . . and solve all of
Life's ever-appearing problems.
Here are more reasons to buy
Changing Your Stripes

Social Psychologist & Personal Advisor